The Candrian Olympics

Back in August, while we were watching Track and Field in the Olympics (always my favorite part of the Olympics, btw) Lorena proclaimed that she would beat me in a 400m dash. I don't know what inspired her over-exuberance, but not only did she claim that she would beat me, but she started talking trash. I patiently and humbly tried to explain to her that 400m was still within my range of speed, and that, although I may be pushing 30, back-in-the-day I was pretty freakin' fast (3rd in Region in the 100 in high school? Come on Babe, you aren't dealing with some slow white guy.) This quickly spiraled into another one of our infamous "bets." We would have a 400m dash, and the loser would owe the winner one hour of massage.

Over the next several weeks Lorena proceeded to run her mouth. Although she readily admitted that I am still faster then everyone in my soccer leagues, and she saw how I completed the tri, she whole-hartily claimed to believe that 400m was simply too far for my unnatural speed.

On Tuesday, the race was on. We met at the Potomac School after Lorena's Cross-Country teams practice (she is the assistant coach). Almost all of the team stuck around to watch the big race. After warming up (I've never been a big fan of the "warm-up," I always feel like I am just wasting energy better saved for the race) the other assitant coach told Lorena that he thought she would win by at least 10 yards. WHAT? First Lorena talking smack and now the other coach? Are you guys seriously trying to inspire me to embarass my wife in front of her team? Hey, if thats what you want, that is what you will get. I'm just saying...

So I gave Lorena the option of which lane she would want. She strategically choose lane 2, putting my in lane 3. She didn't want me to be able to see her "theoretically" catching me on the inside. Poor girl didn't know what she was in for. I told Lorena that I would only need to run at about 70% for the first 300m, and then I would just turn it on and blow her away over the last 100m. She thought I would hit the wall at 300. Guess who was right?

It was kind of fun having her students spread around the track yelling "Go Candrian." Although I guess the cheering didn't really help Lorena that much.

Needless to say, I will be enjoying that hour long massage tonight, after my soccer game. Like taking candy from a baby.

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Seen the new one dollar bill yet?

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This is the new guy in charge of the Giants. His name is Bill Neukom. He is the new managing General Partner. I am worried. He is violating one of my three personal rules about male grooming:
We could play another guessing game to see if anyone can figure out what rule he is violating, but I will just give them to you.

I do not trust any man with:
1. A moustache
2. A bow tie
3. A pony tale.

I really don't trust anyone wearing two of the three, and I don't think I have ever seen anyone with all three, but if I did, I don't know what I would do. I would either really really trust him, because they would all negate themselves, or I would run away, scared because of his complete disregard for all fashion norms whatsoever.

For some reason I don't think the Giants championship drought will be ending any time soon with a guy with a polka-dot bow tie in charge.

If you have any personal rules regarding grooming/fashion, feel free to post them in the comments.

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Podium Girls
(picture from Kevin Dillard)
The next best thing to racing is playing mock podium girl at a race. Anna's only-child syndrome must have been fully satisfied after a long day of performing and attention seeking at the Kelley Acres cyclocross race. I can't say I wasn't satisfied from all the attention either. I just can't blame it on OCS (only-child-syndrome).
Top Ten Highlights of the day, in no particular order, except for #1:
1. teammate Jeanette's classy new cat slippers (meow!)
2. a strip of toilet paper stuck to my high heel without me realizing it (making my white trash facade not 100% facade)
3. the stares as I came out of the porta-john in my dress, high heels, and tiara
4. sleeves on my dress so big that they hardly fit through the doorway of the porta-john
5. watching and cheering the races
6. presenting 1st place award to Jeremiah Bishop (get outta my way, Miss Washington County!)
7. listening to Joe Jefferson, everyone's favorite race announcer, pull out random funny quips all day
8. the delicious pork BBQ sandwich. Miss Frederick County loves her some pork BBQ.
9. being with friends and teammates
10. laughing as some of the men who landed on the podium weren't quite sure how to take Anna's double-sided cheek kisses and EXTREMELY loud lip-smacking as she planted them

Chris Kelley said that she and Fred got a lot of people asking how they got Miss Frederick and Washington County to come out to the race, and it got me wondering how our Toys R Us tiaras and matching clip on earrings (note the realistic pink heart shaped rhinestones), uniboobs made up of shop towels, inch long fake eyelashes, over the top make up, thrift store dresses with sleeves that must've totally been a hit three decades ago, and American flag accessory - could possibly be passed off as the real thing? Rob made a good point about the sad commentary that might shed on actual pageantry. Perhaps we have a real future, Anna.
More on this here (Anna),
here (Anna),
here (CK),
and
here (GamJams).

Kudos to the Kelley's for putting on an awesome race!

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