My Mother

I recently had the plush existence of mooching living with my parents for three months so that I could be in the US to have my baby. Spending regular, everyday moments with my mom, now under the role of a mother myself, renewed my appreciation for what an incredible mother she is.

My mom is the most patient person I have ever known. That quality, patience, was not passed down in the genes to me. I am mesmerized by how fully she owns it. I even, on occasion, get impatient on her behalf when I think she has every right to lose it. But she is patient with me about that. Anyway, an amazing thing happened when I became a mother. I became patient. My kids have thrown all sorts of tantrums, broken things, soiled things, worn me as thin as a wire from sleep deprivation, etc. Lately I have to get Ella dressed about 5 times in the morning because she keeps deciding something is wrong with every outfit we put on. And the crazy thing is, *most of the time*, I find myself acting like my mother in these situations. It's amazing. She never taught me any of it except by her constant, calm example. I am not a patient person, but because of her, I know how to be patient with my children. It is one of the greatest gifts she has given me. When I do lose my cool, I am acutely aware of how ugly it is. Because of her, I understand intuitively that patience is the best way - and children require so much of it! (Unfortunately, a big difference between my mom and me is that she is patient pretty much ALL the time, and with EVERYONE. If she ever seems ruffled, someone has seriously crossed a line.)

Another beautiful quality of my mom is how non-judgmental and unimposing she is. I am an extremely independent spirit who quickly butts up against being told to do or be anything other than what I've decided on,  so my mother was a match made in heaven for me (both literally and figuratively, I suppose!). I feel that she always gave me a safe, warm, and open environment to be whoever it was that I wanted to be. When I was very young, maybe 5 or 6, I saw my brothers playing baseball and decided I wanted to play baseball also. So she signed me up and let me play on an all-boys team - and my mom is pretty far from being counter-culture like that. She was just supporting what I wanted to do. She never batted an eyelash at my tom-boyishness. She just let me be me. In fact, the only way I can think of in which my mother ever intentionally molded me was when it came to moral issues and in teaching me the gospel of Jesus Christ. She did not compare me to others, did not compare me to siblings, simply did not ever judge. What an incredible gift! I think the only times she did speak up about what I was doing was in issues of morality, spirituality, or safety. And because she reserved judgement for only issues where it mattered, I sensed it and respected it instead of butting up against it as I would naturally be inclined. (Although in matters of physical safety, I know I brought her near to tears with worry on too many occasions, and now I am going to pay for it with a son who is even more reckless than myself....sigh.) And now, even after living with her for three months with my own children, I never once felt judged on any matter involving my own kids or my mothering of them, either.

Anyway, I could go on for quite some time if it weren't for the three little ones of my own. I just wanted to put in writing a portion of my reflections on what qualities have made my mom such a great mom. What's interesting is that it has nothing to do with anything she has done, but everything to do with who she is. I hope that more of her rubbed off on me while I got to be with her these last three months!

Happy Mother's Day mom, I love you.